Fun guy

I'm no expert on fungi, spores and mould (where's that bloke from Ghostbusters when you need him) - all I know is there's a strange smell in my garage not unlike mushrooms.

I do remember when I researched wood seasoning - it suggested not storing "green" wood, i.e. wet wood, in a garage - I poo-pooed it at the time.

So with Alanis Morrisseette's "it's the good advice that you just didn't take" ringing in my ears I start the slow process of taking all the wood out of the garage and stacking it on my patio. Apparently (after google research) the damp wood, still air and relative darkness of my garage is the ideal environment for mould growth.

Even my prize dartboard has taken a mould hit, at least I have an excuse for missing the treble 20 now.

Pressies

Well it is Christmas.

I've treated myself to a few things that will help in my new career as a log burner extraordinaire. These things are: a) a grate, b) an ash pan (to sit under the grate), c) a small shovel to help clean up the ash, d) a bow saw (to cut down logs into "backpack" size).

I didn't wrap them or anything, just surreptitiously hid them in my garage (so the wife don't see em).

P.S. I'm popping out to collect wood every weekend and my garage is filling up nicely.

On the 1st day of Christmas...

Well, it's the 1st of December and did I find a nice log fire behind the "1" on my advent calendar?

Did i eck!

I've had to face up to the fact that: a) it's too expensive to get the "fire back" installed considering all the normal Christmas expense, b) it would mean that the fire would be out of action for a few days/week, c) it would mean a delay on putting up the Xmas decorations and all that.

Sob, sniff, let's hope we don't have a cold winter.

It doesn't rain, it pours.

For once I'm not talking about the English weather.

Just had a builder round and he's given me some bad news. Do builders ever give people good news?

I was planning on just disconnecting my gas fire, removing it and replacing it with a nice grate ready for logs (seasoned logs that I would need to buy). However, it's not that simple.

The builder has told me that the "fire back", that's the back/surround of the fire that the gas fire sat in, is only rated to burn gas (around 250 degrees centigrade) and wouldn't stand up to the extremes of coal and wood (around 450 degrees centigrade). I will need to buy a new clay "fire back" and have it installed - £200.

Nice.

Salt and Pepper

Seasoning.

No, not salt and pepper (or Spinderella!?)

Seasoning wood - the drying process where water is removed from wood. All very technical stuff - and something I knew nothing about till a chance discussion with someone who has a log burner. The upshot of this was that I couldn't use my newly found logs until they were dried out - which could be six months or so.

Oh dear - time to do some research on wood drying, google here I come.


Update (01/03/09): I can actually see my wood seasoning, well - drying at least. Here's some pics of the wood as the water works it's way out of the wood. It seems to be white when first cut but quickly turns to a yellow colour, then slowly turns to a pale yellow as it drys. In these pics it seems to be halfway between these first stages. Here's some advice I found on the web: "Seasoned wood looks dark, or gray when compared to green wood - but if you split a piece of seasoned wood - it's WHITE on the inside. It's brittle, or gnarly. It has cracks running through each piece, and a lot of little cracks on the inner rings". I assume from this I have quite a way to go till it gets white or gray and "chinks" nicely when banged against other pieces of dry wood (and doesn't produce a dull clunk - that's wet wood!, very nasty!) I've also followed the guidelines to split every piece, that nasty bark is perfect for holding all the water in so it must be split to expose the wood to drying.

Goodbye to the gym

"Looks like we have the same idea?" I commented to a man with a log over his shoulder.

I was heading back to the car with a full backpack and carrying a log in my hands.

"Yep", he retorted. "Got a log burner at home, this will keep me and the wife warm for a few nights". He continued to tell me all about his heating situation at home, i.e. gas central heating for normal heating, log burner when the heating had gone off and the living room started to chill later in the night. This was the same approach that I was going to take. I liked his candidness and ease talking to me, obviously the common bond of log collecting broke down the normal barriers of English aloofness - either that or he was a wood collecting madman who felt he had to share the experience with others (err... ahem).

He continued: "This is better than going to the gym you know, I gotta carry this heavy thing home, then I gotta spend time sawing it, and then chopping it. Good exercise - you won't catch me at the gym, no need to go." - I had to agree.

Red tape

My house is equipped with a chimney which had at some point in the past been an open fire (it was now a very ordinary gas fire). Could I reinstate an open fire and burn logs on it? Questions, questions, hmmm...


Time for me to see where all that council tax goes.

I rang the help line and asked to be directed to someone who could advise on the legalities of me belching wood fumes out for 3 months of the year. I was put through to a friendly chap who listened intently to my query ("Can I burn wood?"), took my address and went off to check. Seconds ticked past. A bead of sweat trickled down. Would all my dreams be turned to ash, even before I could start turning things to ash myself. Would those big logs sit endlessly in the garage, dust covered and laughing at me...

"Yes" he said. I could have kissed him. "No restrictions at that address, you can burn coal, wood, etc.".

Woo-Hoo. Game on.