It doesn't rain, it pours.

For once I'm not talking about the English weather.

Just had a builder round and he's given me some bad news. Do builders ever give people good news?

I was planning on just disconnecting my gas fire, removing it and replacing it with a nice grate ready for logs (seasoned logs that I would need to buy). However, it's not that simple.

The builder has told me that the "fire back", that's the back/surround of the fire that the gas fire sat in, is only rated to burn gas (around 250 degrees centigrade) and wouldn't stand up to the extremes of coal and wood (around 450 degrees centigrade). I will need to buy a new clay "fire back" and have it installed - £200.

Nice.

Salt and Pepper

Seasoning.

No, not salt and pepper (or Spinderella!?)

Seasoning wood - the drying process where water is removed from wood. All very technical stuff - and something I knew nothing about till a chance discussion with someone who has a log burner. The upshot of this was that I couldn't use my newly found logs until they were dried out - which could be six months or so.

Oh dear - time to do some research on wood drying, google here I come.


Update (01/03/09): I can actually see my wood seasoning, well - drying at least. Here's some pics of the wood as the water works it's way out of the wood. It seems to be white when first cut but quickly turns to a yellow colour, then slowly turns to a pale yellow as it drys. In these pics it seems to be halfway between these first stages. Here's some advice I found on the web: "Seasoned wood looks dark, or gray when compared to green wood - but if you split a piece of seasoned wood - it's WHITE on the inside. It's brittle, or gnarly. It has cracks running through each piece, and a lot of little cracks on the inner rings". I assume from this I have quite a way to go till it gets white or gray and "chinks" nicely when banged against other pieces of dry wood (and doesn't produce a dull clunk - that's wet wood!, very nasty!) I've also followed the guidelines to split every piece, that nasty bark is perfect for holding all the water in so it must be split to expose the wood to drying.

Goodbye to the gym

"Looks like we have the same idea?" I commented to a man with a log over his shoulder.

I was heading back to the car with a full backpack and carrying a log in my hands.

"Yep", he retorted. "Got a log burner at home, this will keep me and the wife warm for a few nights". He continued to tell me all about his heating situation at home, i.e. gas central heating for normal heating, log burner when the heating had gone off and the living room started to chill later in the night. This was the same approach that I was going to take. I liked his candidness and ease talking to me, obviously the common bond of log collecting broke down the normal barriers of English aloofness - either that or he was a wood collecting madman who felt he had to share the experience with others (err... ahem).

He continued: "This is better than going to the gym you know, I gotta carry this heavy thing home, then I gotta spend time sawing it, and then chopping it. Good exercise - you won't catch me at the gym, no need to go." - I had to agree.

Red tape

My house is equipped with a chimney which had at some point in the past been an open fire (it was now a very ordinary gas fire). Could I reinstate an open fire and burn logs on it? Questions, questions, hmmm...


Time for me to see where all that council tax goes.

I rang the help line and asked to be directed to someone who could advise on the legalities of me belching wood fumes out for 3 months of the year. I was put through to a friendly chap who listened intently to my query ("Can I burn wood?"), took my address and went off to check. Seconds ticked past. A bead of sweat trickled down. Would all my dreams be turned to ash, even before I could start turning things to ash myself. Would those big logs sit endlessly in the garage, dust covered and laughing at me...

"Yes" he said. I could have kissed him. "No restrictions at that address, you can burn coal, wood, etc.".

Woo-Hoo. Game on.

Captain's log - stardate 45232.23

"I didn't think you'd really do it?!" was a surprised expression as I set off towards the woods the next day, armed with stout walking boots, scruffy clothes and a backpack. Mission "wood seeking" was in operation.

The wood surgeons had been kind to me, there was various lengths and thickness of wood cut, from thick branches to huge chunks that had been cut out of the main part of the tree. I had no saw/axe and so I figured that the best wood to get would be the largest pieces that would fit neatly in my backpack and these consisted of huge logs nearly 3 foot in length and as thick as a big dinner plate. I could only fit one each in my backpack at a time and the effort nearly killed me as I carried each back to the car. Luckily I had my willing assistant (poor son roped in) to help out, him and an array of kids ("HEY MISTA! WANT SOME HELP!") who helped with some of the haul.

Job done.

The spark!

Maybe it was always there. A coal fire from my youth? TV shows with inglenook fireplaces? The smell of chimney smoke whilst walking home on a cold winter's evening?

All I knew was that I wanted a real fire at some point in my future life and all I needed was a trigger, a spark, a situation that would start the ball rolling (or should that be fire roaring)...

It would be a tree that showed the way, not a real tree, an imitation light up Christmas tree that didn't work. As the day was pleasant we walked the offending tree back to the store and on a detour on the way home we wandered through some woods and stumbled upon a massive tree (a real one this time) that had been recently felled - hey presto! - my first lot of firewood.